At PB West, we believe words do more than communicate—they shape who we are. For children, the way we interact with them, especially through our language, builds their self-concept—their understanding of who they are. In a world where young people face rising mental health challenges, poor self-worth, identity crises, and anxiety, it’s critical to rethink how we help them develop. The Language of Safety, developed by Di Margetts, offers a powerful framework to create safe spaces, foster healthy identities, and empower every interaction.

The Language of Safety goes beyond words. It includes our tone, gestures, actions, and presence, all of which influence how children see themselves. By using safe language, we lay the foundation for positive self-talk, resilience, and long-term coping strategies. Let’s explore the four elements of the Language of Safety—Quality, Clarity, Shared Meaning, and Ownership—and how they nurture strong, confident identities in young people.

Quality: Building Self-Worth with Empowering Words

Quality language is inclusive, strengths-based, and uplifting. It helps children see their value and potential, countering feelings of inadequacy or anxiety. When we choose words that empower rather than diminish, we shape a child’s self-concept positively.

Ask yourself:

• Are my words inclusive and encouraging?
• Could they feel like a put-down or exclusion?
• Am I highlighting strengths or focusing on flaws?

For example, saying “You worked so hard on this!” instead of “Why didn’t you do better?” reinforces a child’s effort and worth. Quality language avoids power-over dynamics, fostering confidence and a sense of belonging.

Reflection Prompt: Think of a child you’ve spoken to recently. Did your words build their self-worth? How could you reframe them to be more empowering?

Clarity: Creating Trust with Authentic Communication

Clarity ensures our words, tone, and body language align, sending a consistent message that children can trust. When our communication is authentic, young people feel safe to be themselves, reducing anxiety and supporting a stable self-concept. Mixed signals—like saying “You’re fine” with a frustrated tone—can confuse children and make them question their value.

To practice clarity, ask:

• Am I being genuine, or is there a hidden agenda?
• Do my tone and actions match my words?
• Am I assuming the child understands my intent?

Clear, congruent communication helps children internalize that they are worthy of honest, respectful interactions.

Reflection Prompt: Recall a time your tone or actions didn’t match your words with a child. How might it have affected their sense of self? What could you do differently?

Shared Meaning: Fostering Inclusion and Understanding

Shared meaning ensures everyone in a conversation understands the words and intent the same way. For children, being included in communication builds confidence and a sense of belonging, critical for a healthy self-concept. Using unfamiliar jargon, slang, or cultural terms can create power imbalances, leaving young people feeling excluded or “less than.”

Imagine a child hearing adults use words they don’t understand. It can feel isolating, like they don’t belong, which may fuel identity struggles or anxiety. While group-specific language is normal, we must ensure it doesn’t alienate.

To foster shared meaning:

• Explain unfamiliar terms (e.g., “Does everyone know what this word means?”).
• Invite children to ask questions about what they hear.
• Be mindful of language that might exclude based on age or culture.

Reflection Prompt: When have you noticed a child feeling left out by unfamiliar language? How can you make your words more inclusive to support their identity?

Ownership: Empowering Children to Shape Their Narrative

Ownership means taking responsibility for the impact of our language and empowering children to do the same. By modeling ownership, we teach young people they have power over their words and can shape their own identities. This is vital in a world where mental health challenges can make children feel powerless.

When we own our language, we:

• Avoid blame, like “You make me angry.”
• Welcome feedback if our words hurt or confuse.
• Apologize and adapt when we miss the mark.

For example, if a child says, “That word made me feel bad,” respond with, “Thank you for telling me. Can you share what it meant to you? I want to get this right.” This models accountability and empowers the child to voice their feelings, reinforcing their self-worth. When children see us apologize and adjust, they learn to take ownership of their own words, building resilience and agency.

Reflection Prompt: Think of a time you owned a mistake with a child or helped them own theirs. How did it strengthen their confidence or sense of self?

Putting the Language of Safety Into Practice

To support children’s self-concept and mental health, weave these elements into daily interactions:

1. Use Quality Language: Say, “I’m proud of your effort!” to highlight strengths, not “You need to try harder.”
2. Ensure Clarity: Match your tone and words, like smiling warmly when you say, “You did great!” to build trust.
3. Foster Shared Meaning: Pause to explain big words or ask, “Does this make sense?” to include children.
4. Model Ownership: If your words upset a child, apologize and reframe, like, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ll choose better words next time.”

Why It Matters

In a world where young people grapple with mental health struggles, low self-worth, and identity crises, the Language of Safety is a game-changer. Our words and interactions shape how children see themselves, influencing their confidence, resilience, and ability to navigate challenges. By using quality, clear, inclusive, and responsible language, we help young people build strong, positive identities that can withstand life’s pressures.

It’s time to review how we support our youth. Let’s commit to interactions that empower, uplift, and affirm their worth, creating a foundation for lifelong mental health and self-acceptance.

Join Us to Make a Difference

At PB West, we’re dedicated to helping adults and children communicate in ways that build empowerment and identity. Join our next training session to master the Language of Safety and transform how you support young people. Contact us at info@pbwest.com.au or book your spot today.

How are you using language to shape the identities of the children in your life? Share your stories or questions in the comments—we’d love to connect!